Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus

Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus

Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus is the sequel to last years Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus which was a low budget monster movie featuring badly rendered CG-beasts. This movie is basically the same but this time the octopus has been replaced by a giant prehistoric crocodile. A badly rendered crocodile I might add and probably made by some freshman students on their home computers. Then again Jurassic Park was rendered on computers with less capacity than the average computer nowadays.

Somehow the Megalodon has survived the fight with the Giant Octopus and some navy battleship is still hunting for it. On that ship is none other than Steve Urkel who specializes in marine biology. The bullet- and missileproof shark takes out this ship with relative ease in a scene where one money shot is duplicated and mirrored so it looks like a different shot. A penny saved is a penny earned.
At the same time in a diamond mine in the republic of Conga the miners awake a prehistoric crocodile the size of a building. The crocodile kills some men which makes the company exploiting the mine send in a woman and a local Crocodile Dundee type guy to investigate. In a weird scene Dundee gets eaten by the croc only for the croc to collapse en Dundee to fall out of its mouth. As he injected a tranquilizer strong enough to take out a crocodile that size. Like other giant beasts in movies, King Kong, T-Tex, the croc is taken on a ship but when that ship gets attacked by the shark the croc awakes and is set free. Now the US government and Fake-Dundee join forces to kill both the beasties.

One of the criticisms of the first movie was that every location is stated on screen even when it’s totally unnecessary and weirdly enough they do that here as well. It’s pretty stupid but then again so is the entire movie. The movie has an overdose of CG-shots, not only of the two animals but also of helicopters, missiles, fighter jets, explosions, crocodile eggs, submarines etc are created in post production. If you have seen the Godzilla movie with Matthew Broderick you’re familiar with a scene in the beginning where they stand in a giant footprint. That scene has been ripped by this movie but instead of having an actual print in the sand they just added some shadow line representing a print in After Effects or some similar kind of program.

The movie hardly makes any sense. They just don’t seem to be able to kill either of these beasts and eventually lure them both in the Panama canal where these creatures attack one and another. There are tons of plot holes and factual errors. The crocodile is laying eggs with an enormous rate which is stupid because there is no male crocodile. The shark is somehow obsessed with the eggs of the crocodile and there is a scene in which a submarine is ordered to shut down the engines because electrical interference attracts the shark. When a radio falls and starts playing music the shark notices and attacks, but all this time the control room is filled with blinking lights and active computer screens. Like those don’t generate electrical interference.

I can’t say I’m hardly surprised about the atrocious quality put on display here. The movie is stupid from beginning to end and the plans these people come up with to kill either beast is even more retarded than in the previous movie. In true tradition to the classic monster movie rule, tons of weaponry from the military doesn’t work, but the antics of Urkel, Fake Dundee and a secret agent with a nice rack do.

The closing line of the movie is “what a crock”… it must have been cut short as the original probably was “what a crock of shit”. That sums it up nicely to me.

Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus
Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus poster
Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus

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