With the rise of the internet and the DVD in the early 00s came easy access to more obscure movies. It was that period that I really started to binge movies and sometimes the weirder the concept, the more interested I was in it. Last week I decided to clean up a hard drive and came across a folder containing downloaded cult movies from this period. Among them were DVD rips from the two Chesty Morgan movies from 1974: Deadly Weapons and Double Agent 73. Both extremely low budget exploitation movies in which the main focus lies on the enormous breasts of its star.
The reason I backed up these movies to my hard drive was because obscure movies like these tend to become more and more difficult to obtain as time passes by. Or so I thought, because withing minutes I had downloaded a Blu-Ray version of these movies. You have got to love technology.
I knew these movies were awful, but with a running time of a mere 75 minutes I decided to transport myself back to the early 70s when having enormous tits was enough to let you star in a sleazy crime film.
The story is simple: Crystal’s boyfriend works for a local mob-boss. When he tries to double-cross his boss, he has him murdered by two of his two other goons. Crystal, on the phone with her boyfriend as it happens, hears enough to find out who they are. Instead of going to the police she goes after them herself using her own two deadly weapons.
And by deadly weapons I mean her breasts of course. She smothers these guys to death between her enormous breasts. That’s the concept of the movie which only functions as an excuse to get her to expose them every other scene. Not that the movie really needs an excuse like this. In the end she only kills two guys with her breasts. Yet, she’s naked in almost every other scene she’s in. A girl has to take a bath sometimes or sleep in an exposing nighty does she not?
While this whole killer boobs gimmick could lead to a fun and entertaining movie, director Doris Wishman is so totally inept at movie making the end result is one of the worst things I have ever seen. Often the camera just wanders off in the middle of a scene or goes out of focus. The editing is a disaster; when somebody is talking on the phone, shots of paintings of dogs on the wall are randomly shown. Fight scenes look like they have been choreographed by a 6-year old. Music suddenly starts or stops; it’s never in sync with the picture. Most outdoor shots consist of grainy stock footage setting it clearly apart from the rest of the movie. Almost everybody’s lines seem to be dubbed making Deadly Weapons almost feel like a foreign movie.
There isn’t a decent actor in the entire movie. Everybody sounds like they’re reading their lines of cue cards next to the camera. The biggest offender being Chesty herself, who in several scenes directly looks at the camera, clearly taking directions from the director or seeking some kind of confirmation.
There are plenty of continuity errors but the most glaring one is the reveal of the identity of the mob boss.
Spoiler warning for a 50 year old crap movie!
It’s her dad.
The mysterious mob boss is shown to have a large scar on his left hand. When we see her dad in the first act of the movie there is no scar visible on either of his hands. Only when he’s revealed to be the mob boss at the end of the movie does he have suddenly the scar on his hand.
It’s an understandable error when you look at how movies were viewed back then. Video renatls were not a thing yet and movie like this could only be watched at a movie theater. Because of this repeat viewings were probably rare. So little chance that anyone watching this movie back then would watch it a second time, unless that person was a masochist or had a big breast fetish.
Deadly Weapons is mostly a relic. A testament of low budget exploitation movie making in the 70s. The only reason this movie exists is because a widowed mother decided to take up stripping and managed to make a bit of a name for herself because her boobs are so big. Nowadays she would simply go on OnlyFans and compete with all of the other well-endowed teens trying to make some money of their racks.
What bothers me the most about this movie is how old everybody looks, especially the men. One guy mentions he’s pushing 40, yet looks he’s in his 50s. Some of the men even seem to have some facial prosthetics for no clear reason. It’s either prosthetics or a disturbing skin condition, so I’m hoping for them it’s prosthetics. In terms of eye candy, there isn’t much for the women here. Then again, they’re not really the target audience.
But in my humble personal opinion Chesty Morgan isn’t much of a looker herself. At the time she was a 37 year old mother of two who, like the men, looks even older than she actually was. Not helping is the gray wig she wears throughout the movie and the fact that she seems to be missing some teeth. Also notable is how she looks miserable in almost every scene. Even in the early scenes in which she’s just doing stuff like taking a bath, she always has this blank expression on her face.
So I don’t recommend Deadly Weapons to anyone. If you want 70s sexploitation of busty women I suggest you put on a Russ Meyer movie. If you want something stronger, there are plenty of more beautiful busty women doing hardcore just a few clicks away.