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73 minutes. That’s how long it takes for Daisy Ridley—star of this gazillionth “Die Hard” knockoff—to throw her first punch. 73 minutes. That’s longer than the entire runtime of some actual feature films, including “Dumbo”, “Bambi”, and Stanley Kubrick’s “The Killing”. And guess what? Every single one of them is infinitely better than this trainwreck.
This movie—basically “Die Hard“, but hanging off the side of a skyscraper—stars Ridley as Joey, an ex-soldier turned window cleaner who just happens to be 50 stories up when terrorists storm an oil company’s big presentation, taking top executives and officials hostage. Stranded on a scaffold, her only reason to step in (if she ever makes it off the damn thing) is her autistic brother, conveniently trapped inside.
Clive Owen sleepwalks through his role as the terrorist leader, delivering one of the least convincing performances of his career. It’s painfully obvious this is just a paycheck gig for him, and his screen time is minimal—restricted to only a handful of scenes. The real spotlight falls on Taz Skylar, who cranks the ham factor up to 11 in every moment he’s on screen, quickly turning his character from menacing to downright tedious.
Right-wingers online have dubbed this movie “DEI Hard”—because, heaven forbid, it stars a woman (or a girl boss, in their terms). But honestly, that’s giving “Cleaner” too much credit. Plenty of “Die Hard” knockoffs with female leads came before this, often starring actresses who once graced the pages of Playboy.
Ridley’s Joey, however, is played straight—framed as a hardened survivor of childhood domestic violence. With a no-nonsense pixie cut that does her no favors in the glamour department. Her military background exists purely to justify her fighting skills, essentially turning her into a Steven Seagal character—minus the ponytail and questionable career choices.
The biggest problem with Ridley’s character is that she’s barely part of the action. For the first 70 minutes, she’s mostly stuck on a scaffold—conveniently always positioned near a window where the real action unfolds, giving her a front-row seat but little to do. Worse, most of her scenes feel like they were shot in isolation on a soundstage, surrounded by green screens. And it shows—painfully so—in plenty of shots.
It doesn’t help that the movie gives the audience no one to root for. Every character is either a jerk, irritating, or just plain dull. Ridley’s brother is yet another clichéd movie autistic character—perfectly functional until the plot demands otherwise. The hostages? A group of sleazy oil executives and corrupt high-ranking officials, with one standout jerk making sure everyone hates him. From an audience perspective, the stakes couldn’t feel any lower.
Director Martin Campbell has delivered some great action films, especially in the ’90s and early 2000s. But in recent years, his work has taken on a distinct straight-to-streaming feel, with forgettable titles like “Dirty Angels”, “Memory”, and “The Protégé”. “Cleaner” is just another uninspired entry on his résumé. While his direction keeps it from descending into so-bad-it’s-good territory, there’s only so much even a seasoned pro can do with a script this dreadful.
At the very least, Ridley gives it her all—but the script does her no favors. Even Steven Seagal in “Under Siege” was allowed a bit of charisma, but “Cleaner” robs Ridley of any chance to inject personality or levity into her role. A single post-mortem one-liner could have gone a long way, yet the script doesn’t even grant her that.
The end result is a dull, lifeless mess where the protagonist finally joins the action in the last 20 minutes—long after anyone with a minimum of two functioning brain cells has checked out. I know I did.
