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I was browsing the deals section on Blu-ray.com, which is about as close as you can get these days to wandering the aisles of a video store, when I stumbled across Beach Babes from Beyond. My first thought was, “They actually gave this an HD release?” But that surprise quickly gave way to nostalgia. The cover art is practically untouched, preserving every bit of its unmistakable ’90s aesthetic, from the bright colors to the trio of women in high-waisted bathing suits. I’d never actually seen the movie, but I remember countless covers like this lining the shelves of my local video store, and late-night TV in the ’90s was full of similar low-budget fare. There’s a first time for everything, and for me, this would finally be the first time watching Beach Babes from Beyond.
In Beach Babes from Beyond three horny young women from another planet crash-land on Earth after their spacecraft runs out of fuel. Stranded on a sunny California beach, they befriend a group of local surfers while searching for a way home. Along the way, they enter a high-stakes bikini contest, cross paths with a scheming lawyer, and discover that life on Earth has plenty of unexpected distractions.
What immediately stands out is the casting. Beach Babes from Beyond pulls off a surprisingly clever casting gimmick. The filmmakers recruited siblings of famous actors, allowing them to capitalize on some instantly recognizable last names. The cast includes Swayze, Stallone, Travolta, and Estevez, but not the ones audiences might expect. Instead, it’s Don Swayze, Jackie Stallone, Joey Travolta, and Joe Estevez. It’s a fun gimmick, and in the cases of Don Swayze and Joe Estevez, it helps that they bear a striking resemblance to their far more famous—and far more successful—brothers.
For good measure, the film also features a small role for Burt Ward, forever remembered as Robin in the 1960s Batman TV series. Genre favorite Linnea Quigley also appears, and, somewhat surprisingly for one of her films, she manages to keep her clothes on throughout.
It should come as no surprise that Beach Babes from Beyond is not a good movie. There is barely a plot to speak of, as the film mostly consists of people lounging on the beach, with the only real twist being that three of them are aliens. Oddly enough, these extraterrestrials just happen to speak fluent English, understand every human custom, and, naturally, look like beautiful women. The premise sounds ripe for fish-out-of-water comedy, but the film barely does anything with it. In fact, the alien angle is so underused that it could have been removed entirely without changing the movie in any meaningful way.
One of the main reasons I wanted to watch Beach Babes from Beyond was the presence of Sarah Bellomo in the lead role as Xera. Before making mainstream films like this—if you can even call this softcore comedy mainstream—Bellomo worked in the adult film industry under the name Roxanne Blaze. She quickly became one of the industry’s biggest stars in the early 1990s thanks to her striking looks and natural screen presence. She also starred in Nothing to Hide II: Justine, which remains one of the strongest adult productions I’ve seen. That same charisma carries over to Beach Babes from Beyond. Even though the material gives her little to work with, Bellomo has an effortless screen presence that makes her the most engaging performer in the film.
Bellomo is unquestionably the film’s lead, with much of the story revolving around Xera and the bikinis she designs herself. Her creations become the centerpiece of a bikini contest that drives much of the plot, to the point where she’s even kidnapped in the third act. Surprisingly, the contest comes with a $30,000 prize, making it one of the film’s two main sources of dramatic tension. Uncle Bud is facing eviction unless he can come up with the money, giving everyone a reason to care about the competition.
The other stake is that the three alien women need a special fuel to power their spacecraft and return home. On paper, this could have provided the film with a Back to the Future-style quest, with the characters scrambling to find or recreate an impossible energy source. Instead, Beach Babes from Beyond takes the easiest route imaginable. During its brisk 75-minute runtime, the problem is resolved almost immediately when the owner of the local vegan restaurant just so happens to be a scientist capable of reproducing the rare alien fuel. It’s such a convenient solution that it completely deflates what little tension the premise had. But then again, every minute spent on plot is a minute not spent on bikinis and softcore sex scenes, and the movie clearly knows where its priorities lie.
Despite all these attempts at passing for a plot, Beach Babes from Beyond is, at its core, a softcore porno. The movie makes that crystal clear from the very first scene. The opening credits consist almost entirely of Sarah Bellomo taking an extended shower, and they go on for several minutes. The camera lingers over every inch of her body, treating viewers to plenty of close-ups of her breasts and even full-frontal nudity. Bellomo, sporting the neatly trimmed ’90s pubic hair that was practically a genre trademark at the time, leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination. If there was any doubt about what kind of movie this was going to be, the opening credits erase it long before the plot even has a chance to begin.
The film continues in much the same vein, with women finding every conceivable excuse to expose their often very obviously enhanced breasts. Opportunities are plentiful, since most of the movie takes place on a beach that seems to exist in an alternate Baywatch universe, populated exclusively by young, attractive women lounging around in skimpy bikinis.
There are also plenty of sex scenes, and every single one of them is completely gratuitous. None advances the plot or develops the characters; they simply pad the runtime. Most go on for several minutes and are shot in that unmistakably cinematic softcore style. Bodies intertwine, partners move together in perfectly synchronized rhythm, everyone glistens with an almost comical amount of sweat, and the scenes are bathed in heavy backlighting that often reduces the actors to little more than silhouettes. Despite these visual tricks, the illusion isn’t always convincing. There are several moments where it’s plainly obvious that no actual intercourse is taking place, with the male actor’s anatomy occasionally visible in a decidedly unaroused state.
This is how the average sex scene is shot
Watching this today, more than 30 years after its release, is a rather strange experience. Softcore pornography has all but disappeared. After all, why settle for simulated sex when explicit material is only a click away? Beach Babes from Beyond is packed with lengthy softcore sequences, many of them shot with the glossy, music video aesthetic that defined the genre. Strip those scenes away, however, and what remains is a goofy teen comedy about a trio of attractive alien women falling for some local boys while getting caught up in a series of beachside shenanigans. It’s an odd combination that never quite gels. One moment you’re watching broad comedy, and the next you’re treated to an extended fantasy sequence of a sleazy lawyer imagining himself in bed with one of the women, a scene that goes on for several minutes.
While Beach Babes from Beyond is far from a good movie, it does have a few redeeming qualities. Sarah Bellomo looks absolutely stunning in HD, and the softcore scenes, while tame compared to hardcore pornography, have a distinct visual style that gives them a certain nostalgic appeal and can still be genuinely titillating. For a low-budget skin flick featuring a cast made up largely of inexperienced actors, it’s more watchable than it has any right to be. I’m glad I finally crossed it off my list, but I have little desire to seek out the sequel. One trip to this beach was enough for me.
